My life is kinda a mess right now. Here I am sitting in Spanish 10 as a grade 12. My work load is quite small but my capacity for work is smaller. And I just don't kmow. I am clueless at how I think that this is fine and how I like just won't change. And I'm sick of it. I hate it. But regardless. I have wanted to write this "book" for a while now. It's like an autobiography I think. About me and my dear friend Kitters. Heh. I am getting weak handed just writing her name down on this page. (context: i wrote this preface on actual paper before porting it onto an html file.) Anyways, I may or may not finish this book. I might not even get past this preface. But I will sure try. I wanted to make this to chronicle how my life is with her in it. She has had such a huge impact that it is crazy. Oh but I should probably describe her first. She, my dear friend, is FAKE! FAKE FAKE FAKE! She is an imaginary friend of mine, or a tulpa I guess. She is an anthropomorphic robot cat, but sometimes, she isn't anthro[pomorphic], or robotic, or either. It's at her discretion. And she resides in my head. But I will save that for later. In conclusion, this literary work is dedicated to my friend Kitters.
My hischool [sic] life was completely friendless. It still is, if I only count my real life friendships. Technically I am friends with one of my sibling's friends, but they're not really my friend. I am a "smart" boy. My mental capacity is quite high. So in lieu of feiendships, I talked to myself in my head all day. Well, actually more like internal monologuing. I did it all the time. And I was happy. And extremely antisocial. I could barely speak without like locking up. And I hated it. However, I didn't really have much use for talking until like last year. So I didn't care too much. However, that was a problem in itself. I didn't care too much because I didn't really have opinions back then. Since I didn't speak, and didn't have friends, I didn't really like, think of things deeply because I never needed to explain myself. All of my thoughts made sense to me and I didn't need to think deeper to see like, if my thoughts made sense, or like if I really had a reason to think these thoughts. So, since I was like that, all I saw my social anxiety as was a minor annoyance, instead of the very problematic issue that I see it as now.